While there are always a number of questions around any car, there is one question in particular that comes with the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT and it is one of the few questions that is commonly expressed using just three letters: "WTF?"
That is, of course, a natural question to ask of a 2.2 tonne SUV that pumps out 485kW of power and 850Nm of torque, and will hammer to the open road legal speed limit in 3.3 seconds. I mean, seriously; WTF?
Of course, the other question that immediately follows is "Why?!"
I sure don't know. No-one actually needs a 1.65 metre tall, 2 metre wide and 5 metre long SUV with those sorts of numbers, and anyone who wants one probably needs a serious mental evaluation in my opinion, but then I have never seen the point of "sporty" SUVs anyway.
If I were purchasing something that powerful and fast, I would want a much lower centre of gravity, thank you very much. But I'm just weird like that. However, regardless of what I think, the market for stupidly powerful SUVs just won't go away, so here we are in 2023 and the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT is a thing.
Porsche has tickled up the 4.0-litre V8 to pump out those frankly silly numbers, with the Turbo GT pushing out 136kW more than the standard Cayenne S V8. The absurd acceleration that these numbers produce is, of course, accompanied by a big, chunky roar that leaves you in no doubt of the Turbo GT's dishonourable intent.
But in case you did mistake it for something else, there are those utterly ridiculous looks to drive it home. Yep, that's right; this is a sporty SUV coupe, just to show that Porsche considers that traditional segments are for the weak and to reduce the one thing that a sporty SUV would offer as its sole concession to sanity - respectable and practical load space.
Nope, none of that here, with the Turbo GT offering up 133 litres less space in the boot than a more sane Cayenne (538 litres versus 671), but as some form of consolation Porsche has chucked on a whole bunch of wings, because you need those on an SUV. No, you really do.
The absurd acceleration that these numbers produce is, of course, accompanied by a big, chunky roar that leaves you in no doubt of the Turbo GT's dishonourable intent.
Of course, several wings just aren't going far enough, so the bottom one dramatically unfolds itself like it has fallen off when you go faster that 100km/h, because that's when those aerodynamics really kick in (spoiler alert: that was sarcasm) and it is in no way mainly to show off to the car behind you or handily signal to the police that you have indeed exceeded the speed limit outside little Tarquin's private school.
But aerodynamics really do kick in if you drive the Turbo GT to the edges of what it is actually capable of - which basically means "not legally in any way whatsoever" - because for something that is 2 metres wide, 1.65 metres tall, 5 metres long and weighs 2245kg, it handles in a way that doesn't just defy the laws of physics, it simply ignores them until they decide to go away and bother someone else. Luckily it also has those utterly massive brakes to haul things back in again.
So the Turbo GT is ferociously fast, handles in a way it simply shouldn't, looks like what a child would produce if you asked them to draw "a very fast space elephant on wheels" and is almost entirely pointless.
But don't take any of that to mean that I don't like the Turbo GT, however, because I very, very much do. And for all of those reasons above.
Seeing the point of something and liking something are two very different things. Especially if you like the thing precisely because of its sheer belligerent pointlessness. And if there is one thing that the Cayenne Turbo GT very much is, it is pointless. And very, very belligerent.
It is thoroughly silly and utterly pointless, while also being unnecessarily fast, obnoxiously noisy and packing a frankly antisocial amount of wings. It is arrogance in vehicular form and I love it for that.
Of course, the interior is all that you would expect from a Porsche, with beautiful fit and finish in the cabin, high quality materials, seriously comfortable and grippy seats and some strangely old-fashioned and clunky infotainment tech with a weirdly unintuitive layout.
So if you want a very fast, very loud, exceptional handling large SUV with about the same practicality as the perfectly good Panamera, then the Cayenne Turbo GT is very much for you. And you'll love it, you big weirdo.
ENGINE: 4.0-litre turbo-petrol V8 POWER: 485kW/850Nm GEARBOX: 8-speed automatic, AWD CONSUMPTION: 13.9l/100km (WLTP), CO2 319g/km PRICE: $369,900
How much is the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT?
The Turbo GT starts at a thoroughly eye-watering $369,900, which is a number that only gets bigger as you move through the extensive options list. Nudging the total well north of $400k is impressively easy...
What are the key statistics for the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT powertrain?
The Turbo GT's 4.0-litre turbo V8 produces 485kW and 850Nm, which are rather big numbers. It makes more than the V8 in the Turbo E-Hybrid that pumps out 441kW from its version of the same engine, but the hybrid then counters with an extra 103kW from its electric motor, making it the most powerful Cayenne Coupe, but the Turbo GT is faster...
Is the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT efficient?
No.
Is the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT good to drive?
Very much so. Refined and docile when left to its own devices at urban speeds, it becomes raw and visceral when you prod the sleeping bear into consciousness and it starts roaring and howling. It also handles in a way that it simply shouldn't. All of which is awesome.
Is the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT practical for a sporty SUV?
Yes, as it is a large vehicle with generous amounts of space inside and easy access to its comfortable interior. But also no, because a Cayenne wagon has even more useful space, but far less wings.
What do we like about the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT?
All of it. It is thoroughly silly and utterly pointless, while also being unnecessarily fast, obnoxiously noisy and packing a frankly antisocial amount of wings. It is arrogance in vehicular form and I love it for that.
What don’t we like about the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT?
All of it. It is thoroughly silly and utterly pointless, while also being unnecessarily fast, obnoxiously noisy and packing a frankly antisocial amount of wings. It is arrogance in vehicular form and I also hate it for that. And the infotainment system is fiddly and unintuitive.
What kind of person would the Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT?
Unhinged lunatics who don't care a bit about the planet or silly things like common sense and speed limits. And they will love this thing dearly.
